Michael Moore Slimes Cuban-Americans

By Humberto Fontova

The Democrat's pet Hippopotamus is fouling the waters for them in south Florida. Seems that Michael Moore dumped on Cuban-Americans big time--not in his latest masterpiece, but in a previous gem, Downsize This. Lately the porcine producer's slanders and slurs are getting much press in south Florida.

Cuban-Americans are all "Terrorists! Gangsters! Dope smugglers! Burglars!" worst of all--"wimps!" rails the rotund documentarian. Perhaps some Democratic operatives are wincing and cursing? "And just when the mainstream media was headlining "Bush's eroding support among Cuban Americans!" they wail. "Now this hippo waddles up and tramples everything!"

Allow me to allay your fears, Democratic National Committee. Regarding the Presidential election, you people needn't worry. You hadn't a prayer with Cuban Americans to begin with. So p leaselightenuponyourpethippo.Heknows what he's doing, believe me.

It's an old song, really. Ask Congressman Mario Diaz-Balart. He heard it almost daily during his 2002 campaign for a Congressional seat against another Cuban-American, Annie Betancourt. In that race the mainstream media assured us ( almost daily) that the issues were crystal clear, a veritable "referendum." was forthcoming. To wit:

The judicious, enlightened (and Democratic)Mrs Betancourt favored "dialogue" and "engagement," with "President" Castro. The pig-headed "hard-liner" (and Republican) Mario Diaz-Balart, favored the beastly and archaic "embargo." When he finally woke up, the pink media assured us, Rip Van Winkle was hipper to his surroundings than the hapless, blundering blockhead, Mario Diaz Balart, was to his.

"Where has that yo-yo BEEN!?" they snickered. Didn't he know all that cranky "hard-line" stuff was finished, old-hat, kaput? Didn't he sense the enlightened "moderate" views of second generation Cuban- Americans? This highly-educated, judicious-- and especially-- "hip" generation of Cuban-Americans called the shots in south Florida nowadays. And here's Mario, that doofus, making the very embargo the linchpin of his campaign!

Actually pinks were delighted. Come Mario's certain trouncing, and a "new era" would finally dawn in south Florida politics. They rubbed their hands, smacked their lips and snickered. The word "referendum" appeared almost daily in their editorials. Mrs Betancourt was riding the new wave, they assured us. She was definitely "with-it!" by forsaking those noisy "hard-liners," and by denouncing that tacky "embargo."

Pink political soothsayers assure us that on matters Castroite, second-generation Cuban-Americans are much more "realistic" and "open-minded" than their absolutely insufferable parents, uncles and aunts. Editorial wizards from the Miami Herald to the Orlando Sentinel to the Washington Post were adamant on the topic, the whole while snickering softly to themselves. "Those Cuban-exile hard-line blockheads!" They nudged each other. "At long last, these cranks and hot-heads will get the drubbing they so richly deserve!"

Well, the day of the election finally arrived. Mario is much too decent and humane a person to belabor the details of his victory. "Mrs Betancourt was highly respected in the community, especially by me. I'm happy to have won." A true gentleman, Mario Diaz Balart.

That leaves me. So regarding the enlightened Mrs Betancourt's showing in the race?.....Anyone remember the boxer Duane "the great white hope" Bobick? ...Anyone remember when he got in the ring with Ken Norton in '77?

Wasn't it all of 50 SECONDS, that he lasted? I'll never forget that "fight"-- or the Saturday Night Live skit about it (and back in it's heyday!) It topped even their "Raid On Nicosia!" skit. Priceless. Johnny Carson quipped about it for months.

But compared to the Diaz-Balart / Betancourt race, the Bobick /Norton fight was a close-run thing, a veritable nailbitter. So ghastly a stomping, so hideous a rout, so complete and overwhelming a victory as "hard-liner" Mario achieved over "progressive" Annie had not been seen since Hitler's (outnumbered, by the way) Wermacht invaded France. The Florida Democrat got a stomping that makes George Mcgovern's ghastly stomping in '72 look like a squeaker.

Not only did Mario Diaz-Balart stomp Mrs Betancourt two to one overall--but Mario got NINETY- FIVE per cent of the Cuban-American vote in his district. That's 95%, as in 9x10+5. Even Republicans gaped.

Those young, hip and enlightened Cuban-American voters (this district had the youngest Cuban American voters in south Florida. The pinks got THAT part right) trounced Mrs Betancourt by a margin so enormous that even Florida Democrats forsook a recount. The Democratic Mrs Betancourt made Duane Bobick look like Rocky Balboa.

Then, YIKES! Democratic political wizards and soothsayers went into Ralph Kramden mode. Remember when Ralph got nervous in front of a camera, etc and froze up?...MA-HA-MA-HA-MA- HA. Right after Mario's victory many a pink political prognosticator was a ringer for Ralphie-boy

Other pinks cringed and started snuffling. Some wailed. Many wept openly. And wouldn't you know it? The word "referendum" VANISHED from south Florida's mainstream political discourse as completely as the word Johnny Huang vanished from the Beltway's political discourse during the '96 campaign. You couldn't find it on page one, or page 57-- not in the Miami's Herald's editorials, not in the Washington Post, not behind the refrigerator, not between the mattresses--or under the sofa, or behind the TV. You couldn't hear it on NPR, or see it on CNN. Come Mario's landslide victory and that doggone "referendum" pulled an Andy Kauffman on us.

So please proceed, Mr Moore. Carry on with your slanders. Your party and mentors have nothing to lose, I assure you. George Bush is singing the same campaign song in south Florida as he did in 2000. And he's right up there with Ronald Reagan in popularity among Cuban-Americans. Mario Diaz-Balart sang it again to resounding victory in 2002. It's quite a catchy tune down there, Mr Moore.

As for Moore's actual oinkings against Cuban-American's? I hesitate to take them on. Their stupidity staggers, even by the standards of a contemporary Oscar winner for "Best Documentary."

But a few of his oinkings tempt rebuttal with a powerful lure, almost a suction. "These Cuban exiles!" Moore snorts, after pulling his snout from the slop. "For all their chest-thumping and terrorism, are really just a bunch of wimps. That's right. Wimps! When you don't like the oppressor in your country, you stay there and try to overthrow him. You don't just turn tail and run like these Cubans. Imagine if the American colonists had all run to Canada-and then insisted the Canadians had a responsibility to overthrow the British down in the States!...So the Cubans crybabies came here expecting us to fight their fight for them. And, like morons, we have."

Here you want to mention that Moore dropped out of college after one semester. But, honestly, his bovine ignorance has deeper sources. And, overall, I'd say a College education is WAY overated. In the liberal arts, especially, it generally magnifies and spreads stupidity. America would be much better off with more mechanics and welders and fewer Poli Sci majors. I heard Moore's Cuban idiocy almost word for word from my College professor. His name was Dr Stephen Ambrose, and he went on to become America's best-selling historian. Thunderous stupidity on matters Cuban appears downright congenital in Democratic circles.

For details of the Cuban Freedom Fight, and for highlights of the most protracted guerrilla war fought on this continent (hint: it was fought not BY Fidel and Che but AGAINST Fidel and Che) please see: http://www.newsmax.com/archives/articles/2002/4/29/34913.shtml, and http://www.newsmax.com/archives/articles/2003/2/14/174602.shtml for (note to Paige: these are internal links, so they should pass muster) Some real "wimps" show up here..

Here's a better analogy, Mr Moore ( and for simplicities' sake let's go ahead and equate the level of repression and police control of British Colonial rule with that of Stalinism) Let's say that France, rather than backing George Washington's rebels ( over twice as many French troops served and died at Yorktown as Colonial troops. To his last days Cornwallis blamed the French fleet for his defeat in the Colonies.)--anyway let's say France not only yanked the rug out from under Washington's rebels, but then turned around and signed a deal with King George (he was the British King at the time, Mr Moore) pledging France to prevent, by force of arms or political blackmail, any other power-- say Spain or Holland (these are nations in Europe that at the time did not get along with King George, Mr Moore) from aiding the rebels in any way, shape or form. What might the prospects for a successful Colonial rebellion been THEN?.......Hummmmm?

A solid ally (by which I mean Republicans, ask Nicaragua's Contras) for Cuba's freedom-fighters in 61- 62 and Miami jukeboxes today would feature Shania Twain rather then Gloria Estefan. Some "Fidel Castro" fellow would merit a quarter page in a Time-Life book on "Those Fabulous Fifties!" And given Cuba's economic record in her brief 50 years as an independent republic (not to mention her expatriates' record in Florida) Cuba would today be a Caribbean Singapore or Japan, rather than a sister to Haiti and Zimbabwe, economically speaking, that is, because Haiti, pesthole that it is, allows tons more personal freedom than Castro's Cuba. Let Charlie Rangel and Maxine Waters snivel otherwise.

Also, all those bilingual signs would be in Havana. "Will you people PLEASE SPEAK SPANISH!" we'd yell in exasperation at all the yuppies working in Havana's thriving Stock Exchange. It always seems like y'all are talking about us when you get together and speak English!.....Caramba!"

And that was YOUR party, Mr Moore who strangled the Cuban freedom-fight. Here's General Alexander Haig who saw it from up close. Haig was aide to JFK's Secretary of the Army in 1962, Cyrus Vance (honest!) and dealt personally with many of Cuba's betrayed freedom fighters. "A soldier to the bone," Gen. Haig writes about Brigada 2506's second in command, Erneido Oliva. "One of the most fiercely honorable men I have ever known." Regarding the Kennedy-Kruschev swindle that saved Castro's hide: "A deplorable error resulting in political havoc and untold human suffering in Cuba and throughout Central America," writes General Haig.

Those were YOUR mentors-- YOUR hosts at the Boston Convention-- who strangled the Cuban Freedom fight, Mr Moore. But so what, right? After all, looks like the beneficiary of their bloody sell- out REALLY likes your movies!

......Do I hear Michael Moore fans sniveling out there?......Yes I do!

"Un-UNH!" They snivel. "Where do you get your history, you crackpot Cuban-exile fascist! That's not what I saw in Thirteen Days! Or In The Missiles of October! Or in Oliver Stone's JFK! Or even on MTV's Rock the Vote! I never heard Geanene Garafalo mention that on Al Franken's show! I didn't read about it in Entertainment Tonight or People Magazine, or in MoveOn.org's chat room either! So how can it be true, HUNH?!"

Try General Alexander Haig's "Inner Circles: How America Changed the World," for starters.

One final gem about Cuban-Americans from the Democrats' official historian and pet Manatee: "These Cubans have not slept a wink since they GRABBED THEIR ASSETS (capitalization mine) and headed to Florida to live high off the hog!"

"Grabbed their assets," folks. Let that sink in for a second. Michael Moore was a main draw at the Democratic convention. His brilliance and wisdom won him deafening applause and Elvis-like adulation from Cannes to London, from Boston to Hollywood. So let's look at it again to make sure:"grabbed their assets." Yep, he actually said it.

Does he mean the clothes Cuban refugees wore on their backs? The few crumbs they stuffed in their pockets? Does this imbecile realize that Castro stole all "their assets?' Does this moron know that no one could leave Cuba with anything? Does this obese idiot know that women had their very earrings yanked off their ears by Castroite guards at the airport?

One elderly lady insisted on wearing a small crucifix. "Take it off!" snarled the Castroite guard at the airport. "You can't take it. That pendant belongs to La Revolucion!''

"The hell it does!" She yelled back in tears. This crucifix belonged to my son-- who you swine MURDERED at the firing squad! I'll die before I give it to you Communist scum!"

She was dragged off.

Such was the"grabbing of assets" as we left Cuba, Mr Moore. Did someone mention "Stupid White Men?"


Humberto Fontova is the author of The Hellpig Hunt, described as "Powerful and compelling!" by Publisher's Weekly as "Fascinating and Fun!" by the New Orleans Times Picauyune and as "Just what the doctor ordered!" by Ted Nugent.

You may reach Mr. Fontova by e-mail at hfontova@earthlink.net

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